dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just want to make out with him forever
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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