my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
