i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You dont lie about slip and slides
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
