I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
