My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
