i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
