.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
