Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
