Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
