I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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