i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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