My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
