Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
