btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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