my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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