What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
