Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
