remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Someone shattered a urinal.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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