i permit you to call me
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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