i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Drunk is not a location!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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