dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
