i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
