We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
