question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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