Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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