He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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