it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She announced her abortion via fbk
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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