Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
