It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I did not marry a roomba.
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