glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
