My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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