i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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