you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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