I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
