I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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