what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am naked and annoyed.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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