took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
