a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
