One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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