I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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