Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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