FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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