Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
