I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
