he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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