she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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