I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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