please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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