They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
