If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
